Farewell to Lena

Aunt Lena

On Wednesday Tony and I had the honor of attending the funeral mass and graveside prayer for his Aunt Lena. She was the wife of his mother's brother and had just turned 91. I only knew her as an elderly woman living in a home with dementia, but the love that everyone had for her showed me that she was a great woman. Tuesday evening there was a viewing at the funeral home and it was very crowded with friends and family. I enjoyed seeing all the many people that came to pay their respects to Lena and her family (including sighting a few Sopranos look-alikes!) Respect is very important in the Italian culture and this is seen very strongly at times like this where it is noted (and remembered!) if you showed up and if you didn't.

Tony and I went to visit Lena in the hospital last Saturday morning before she passed away, and we were able to go back later that evening after she had died. It was so special to be around her family at that time as they experienced her passing. Lena had dementia for years so it was a blessing for her to be able to leave a life that had become full of loneliness and confusion.

On Sunday we met at Tony's Cousin Rita's home with many friends and family where everyone brought food and we had dinner. We started looking through family photos for pictures of Lena for memorial posters and a slideshow. I made a computer slideshow while Lena's granddaughters made many photo-filled posters depicting Lena's life. She had a great smile. I'm posting a few photos here as well.

Tony was asked to write and give the eulogy Wednesday at the funeral and he did a fantastic job. It was heartfelt and tender. I'm posting it here for you to enjoy. We provided copies for all of Lena's descendants. Everyone said that Tony did such a great job he has missed his calling in life! After the prayer at the burial site we went to a very nice buffet luncheon at a nearby country club. All in all it was a beautiful celebration of a life well-lived.

The Eulogy:

On behalf of Aunt Lena’s children Nancy, Celeste and Rita and their families, her sisters Eva and Ida and their families, we welcome and thank you for coming to the celebration of Lena Ruzzi’s life.

It is comforting for Lena to be back here at St. David’s, her parish for over seventy years. This strong parish community has many ties to the Ruzzi family. Lena and her beloved Louis were married here. Their three daughters baptized here. Their first penance, communions and confirmations were here. Their weddings were all here. Louis was buried from here. Baptisms, weddings, funerals. The cycle of life all celebrated in faith in the same house of God.

L-R, Jennie (Tony's mom), Aunt Lena, Dolly (Jennie's sister)

One cannot really talk about Lena without including Louis. They were married for over sixty years, inseparable and in love. Totally dependent on each other. Sharing all that life had to offer, defending each other and their family.1936 was a dark time for this country in a deep Depression with the winds of war starting to blow. Lena and Louis married in a time so dark that not even poets could dream. But Lena knew her dream, herplace, to start a family and nothing, no Depression, no war, would stop her. Her life was a series of sonnets written by her heart and soul. The first sonnet was her marriage to Louis, she wrote it well and she wrote it long. Her next poem was Nancy. Her poetry was interrupted by the war that sent her beloved to fight. Lena and Nancy cried and prayed and God answered their prayers as, except for learning how to swim, Louis was never in harms way. The poems of Celeste and Rita followed and the poet Lena fresh with the confidence of post war America continued carefully crafting her poetry - raising her family living her life. Lena never worked outside the home and really never wanted for anything, Louis being a good provider. Lena was stubborn and did not settle for less than what was important to her and her family. She was set in her ways and yet, surprisingly could alter her habits when she needed to. Such as when she arose early and waited in the parking lot for stores to open so she could buy things to build a new bedroom to save a daughter. She saw her daughters marry and lived to see, enjoy and love her grandchildren and great grandchildren. Each one of them filling her heart and soul with joy and pride. She was happy to see her poems write sonnets of their own.

All her happiness came to an end on that dark morning when her beloved died peacefully at his kitchen table. Lena was devastated, confused, lonely. Her lifelong companion, her true love gone suddenly left with a future that, no matter how many and loving children, grandchildren and great grandchildren, would be forever lonely. An emptiness that could never be filled. Lena’s grip on reality started to slip that day. She needed her Louis.

James Barrie, the author of "Peter Pan" wrote that "God gave us memory so that we might have roses in December." Lena was mostly denied this joy due to her devastating illness. She was placed in a home after much thought, tears and prayer. The home, while clean and staffed with good people is a place where yesterday is forgotten and tomorrow goes to die. At her advanced age and with her disease no place is home. However, her memory loss was softened by a relentlessly loving and loyal family who was constantly at her side filling her remaining years with visits, trips, pictures and mementos. Her room was decorated for holidays and there would be a large birthday celebration each year. The prominent picture was of Louis and Lena. In her final year I pointed to the picture once and asked Aunt Lena if she remembered Uncle Louis. Her answer was "How could I forget?" Indeed how could she. How could a mere disease erase their love?

Lena and Louis with a great-grandson

In the end, when the conclusion was obvious she hung on. Her family came to see her and say they loved her and say goodbye in their own way. She waited. More family came. She waited. Finally on Saturday, the Ides of March, her grandson Stevie came to visit after a long absence. He sat there and animatedly talked to his Mom Mom. Telling her stories of his exploits so obviously loving her. She opened her eyes a few times. Lena was waiting for Stevie. Later that day when she was alone just like her beloved Louis taught her. She died. Peacefully on her terms. Lena knew that her poems and the poems of her girls were all right. She saw her whole family.

On the ride home that night, with my Beloved, Sydney, the radio played a jazz song that was vaguely familiar. It was a song by the 20th century poet and singer, James Taylor. I recalled from the depths of my memory the title, "The Secret O’ Life"and the line came clear over the speakers. It was a message direct from Lena, "The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time." It was so very true. It was how she could dream when other poets could not. Lena enjoyed the passage of time, it was her secret of life.