Tony Opines on the Hoagie

Tony's heavenly version of a hoagie. Yum!

What separates the Hoagie and Cheesesteak from the rest of the world (aside from superior ingredients) is the bread, the roll. The roll is distinctive to Philadelphia. Because of the elevation of the city and the water the bread rises differently than anyplace else which affects gloriously the taste and texture. As a matter of fact when my Darling Beloved first graced this fair city with her presence I took her immediately to Pat's Steaks the creator of the cheesesteak and the first words out of her delicate mouth were, "Mmm, this bread is so good.” So to have an authentic, good cheesesteak and/or hoagie one must start with the proper roll. That vile chain, Subway, is amazed to this very day that they do not own the city of Philadelphia and I told some of their representatives that first they are NOT subs, nor are they zeps, nor heroes. They are hoagies. We know, we invented them. Right off the bat they are suspect because of the fake name. Their claim to fame is they make their own rolls. Big deal frozen dough in an oven. Still not as good as an Amoroso roll or bread from the Conshohocken Bread Company or from Sam’s Market.....I am hungry now. Also their meats and cheeses are pedestrian and their meat balls come out of ...God forgive them, QUICK cover Hazel’s eyes....gasp....from a can! Noooooooooooooooo. Anyone can open a corner sandwich shop and call it...Asher’s Sandwich Shop for example and have a superior product with the right rolls and the right meats and cheeses and blow Subway out of the water! Go Ash!

The birth of the hoagie is interesting. When one flies into Philadelphia one notices an island in the middle of the Delaware River this is Hog Island. Currently there are oil refineries there, not that it does any damn good when you look at the price of gasoline. Sorry. Anyway, many years ago there was a thriving shipbuilding industry there. At that time, say in the teens and twenties, the Italian immigrants were the latest wave of immigrants to be used and abused. Since there were no unions then the Italians were forced to work 15 to 18 hours a day and there were no breaks, maybe a short lunch if the 'ho boss felt like it. So they took a loaf of good Italian bread, sliced it open and stuffed it full with meats and cheeses a little lettuce and of course tomato! and they would munch on this all day to sustain them. The bread became carrier and part of the meal. How ecological. The men who worked on Hog Island were called Hoggies and the sandwich they inadvertently invented became known to outsiders as Hoagie after a few years of mispronouncing Hoggie. Probably an error of the Irish.

You can get Hoagies all over the city and suburbs. Sweet Minnie had one from Altamonte's and tasted the difference between real and that thingy from the national chain.

There are many types of hoagies, Italian (with Italian meats and cheeses), American (bland meats and cheeses), Tuna, Cheese, etc, etc.. The most popular and still the best is, by far, the Italian hoagie. Now when they build one for you they will ask a series of questions, this is how you answer them.

"Yo, do you want oil or mayo wit dat?"

The answer is oil. Putting mayo on a hoagie makes one question your gender preference. Mayo has its place in sandwichdom, but not here.

"Youse want onions?"

Yes.

"Hey yo, hot or sweet peppers?"

Whichever you like or even a combo. I like to confuse them by answering, "Surprise me," cause I like either.

"Salt and pepper?"

I reject the salt for sodium reasons but keep in mind the lunchmeats themselves are loaded with sodium so you really do not need it.

Here is the perplexing question.

"Does you want oregano?"

YES!!!!!! Why would then even ask this? If you do not like oregano then you should not be ordering a hoagie. Dammit. I am going to right to the Governor and have him pass a law that no hoagie may be sold without Oregano. The Gov was mayor of Philly and they named a hoagie after him. The Hon. Edward G. Rendell has a hoagie named, The Rendelli. One of the ingredients is tongue. Figures.

Gov. Rendell eating a cheesesteak. I assume he looks similar eating a hoagie.